Tears in Heaven
by SwEydie
Summary: Written for MissEllie14's St Berry contest. The night of Regionals, Jesse st. James won his trophy...but lost someone more important.  Set during Journey.


Entry for **MissEllie14's St Berry contest. **

Thanks so much to Soo and Meg for all their support and feedback. I'd be as thankful for your feedback as well, so please review.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, I'd be out celebrating my Emmy wins. The song used in this fic is not mine either, though the tears I shed when I hear definitely are.**

* * *

_In this part of the story_

_I am the one who dies, the only one,_

_and I will die of love because I love you_

-Pablo Neruda

* * *

Jesse stood near the backdoors of the theatre, facing the stage. He heard Finn's voice as _Faithfully _began. When Mercedes was the one to sing with him, Jesse furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He was sure that Rachel would be lead for Regionals.

He glanced behind the pair once the curtains were raised, revealing the rest of New Directions. But Rachel was not among them. He looked around for Mr. Schue, and he saw him watching his team, with his cell phone pressed to his ear.

Jesse wanted to walk up to him and ask where Rachel was, but just as he was about to, his teammates called him to get ready for their performance.

* * *

"Vocal Adrenaline!" shouted Ms. Sylvester.

Jesse's excitement was evident when he grabbed the trophy and was picked up by his teammates. He looked to his side, and he saw Mr. Schue answer his ringing cell phone, with the rest of the team looking upset.

"Hi Puck, listen…" Jesse could faintly hear his old Glee coach. "What? Rachel? Oh my God," he gasped.

At the mention of Rachel's name, Jesse frowned. Once his team put him back down on the floor, he eyed Ms. Corcoran and they both edged closer to the other team.

"Guys, that was Puck. Something's happened," Mr. Schue informed his team. New Directions followed him to the exit, leaving Jesse frantic and worried. He was about to follow them, when Shelby stopped him.

"Wait here, I'll go," she said.

"But.."

"I'll talk to him. I'll come right back, I promise."

He nodded and she left him on the stage.

A few minutes later, his coach came back in. Her distressed look worried Jesse even more.

"What happened?"

"It's Rachel…" she said. Jesse's heart began pounding heavily in his chest.

* * *

On the drive to Lima General, Shelby explained to Jesse how one of Rachel's teammates saw her and her father brought into the emergency room. Rachel and her dads were on their way to Regionals, when a truck driver swerved onto their lane. The collision caused the smaller car to flip all the way out of the freeway.

Hearing this, Jesse's mind went blank. He didn't know what to say, or do, or think. All he wanted was to see Rachel.

Walking into the Intensive Care Unit wing, Jesse saw Puck talking to Mr. Schuester.

"I was just about to go to my car since Quinn's mom stayed with her and the baby, when I saw the ambulance parked outside the emergency room doors. They were bringing Rachel in, and her fathers followed right behind," he told his coach.

"Where's Rachel?" asked Jesse.

Finn stood up abruptly at the sound of Jesse's voice, while Puck walked up to Jesse with Finn following.

"What do you think you're doing here, jackass?" Puck seethed at Jesse.

"I just want to see Rachel-"

"The hell you are!" screamed Finn. "You have no right to come in here. Leave, and go back to your team!"

Jesse's nostrils flared, and he tried walking around the two, but Finn got in his face.

"You don't belong here, st. James. Go back the way you came in," he told Jesse.

"Not until I see Rachel. Now get out of my way, Finn."

Finn shoved Jesse as he was trying to walk ahead. "There is no way in hell I'm letting you pass."

"Whoa, guys. Come on, this is not the time to be fighting," yelled Mr. Schue. "Rachel just suffered an accident, and she deserves to have as many people here for her that care about her."

"Mr. Schue, this prick doesn't care about Rachel, and we all know it!" exclaimed Puck.

"Yes he does," Shelby spoke up. "And you are no one to say who can come in and see Rachel or not." Her voice was quivering, and there were evident tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She looked to Mr. Schue, "has the doctor said anything yet?" she asked.

"Her fathers died instantly due to brain damage from the car accident. Rachel is alert, but she suffered eight broken ribs on her left side, and they're getting chest X-rays as we speak to look for damage in the lungs."

"Oh God," she voiced softly, covering her mouth and bending down to sit.

"Can we see her?" asked Jesse.

"We have to wait for the doctor."

* * *

Jesse walked up to the room. The doctor said they found a pulmonary contusion, a kind of bruising in her lungs. He explained how all she needed was intensive monitoring, and some assistance in her breathing.

Jesse knocked softly on the door, before turning the knob. Coming inside, he saw Rachel lying on the bed, with her eyes closed. She had thin tubes resting inside her nose to help her breathe better. Tears marked her face, and her chest rose and fell quickly.

"Rachel?" he whispered.

She slowly turned her head to see Jesse coming closer. He sat down next to her, and covered her hand with his own. She saw his eyes glisten, and his lower lip was trembling.

"Jesse? What are you doing here?"

"I heard about the accident…" he gulped.

Rachel's face contorted as tears fell down her cheeks. "My dads," she whispered.

Jesse held her hand tighter and leaned closer. "Rachel, I'm so sorry," his voice broke.

"I have no one, now. I don't want to be alone, Jesse. I don't want to be alone," she cried.

Jesse stood up and bent down to hold her. "You're not alone Rachel. You'll never be alone." His lips crashed hers, and Rachel didn't protest. Her chest was heaving, and she began weeping. Jesse held her tightly in his arms, and took her pain. Like bullets he wouldn't hesitate to take for her, he swallowed every one of her sobs.

Rachel suddenly began coughing violently, and Jesse stepped back to give her some room. When he saw that she was coughing up blood, he panicked and immediately yelled for a doctor.

Moments later, several nurses and doctors burst in the room.

"I'm sorry young man, but you need to leave the room," the doctor told Jesse.

"Why? What's going on?" he asked.

"You need to leave the room, now!" the doctor ordered.

Jesse obeyed, and walked back to the waiting room. Finn saw his expression, and he walked up to him.

"What happened? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. She started coughing up blood, and the doctor kicked me out," he told Finn.

The doctor came into the waiting room, and Shelby ran to him.

"I'm afraid it seems that there has been a pulmonary laceration, meaning there's some rupture in her lung tissue. The contusion must have masked it in the X-ray, that's why we didn't catch it earlier. It looks like there's some blood in the cavity. We need to transfer her to the O.R. immediately, and try to drain the blood from her chest cavity," he explained.

Jesse closed his eyes tightly, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He silently prayed for Rachel's safety.

* * *

When the doctor came back, Jesse had lost count of the minutes the surgery had taken. He felt like he'd been frozen in time for years, unaware of what was happening around him.

Shelby and Mr. Schuester walked up to the doctor.

"Is she okay?" asked Shelby.

The doctor faced them straight on, and Jesse's heart stopped.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we couldn't save her. The laceration was enlarged due to an air embolism. "

"What does that even mean?" yelled Mr. Schue, who was now holding Shelby in his arms as she cried.

"Basically, air entered her bloodstream through a damaged vein, and it traveled to the left side of her heart; causing the gas bubbles to become lodged. That preventing the blood flowing from the heart…"

The doctor's voice slowly started to fade, and there was just one voice playing in Jesse's mind.

_If I give myself to you, and it turns out that you're just playing me, I might die._

It's cruel how life can make you pay your mistakes, sometimes. As the grief made it's presence in the waiting area, Jesse soon found himself in Rachel's room with her body lying still in the bed. He could faintly hear the sobs and cries behind him, as everyone entered the room. Shelby let out a scream, and Mr. Schue held her as she collapsed on the ground, tears pouring out of her eyes..

Jesse and Finn walked closer to the bed, and they both knelt down before Rachel. Jesse's arms spread wide, covering the length of her. His throat began to tighten painfully. His chest felt like it was stuck underneath a brick wall, and he found it hard to breathe.

"I love you," he choked out, as his sight clouded with his tears.

* * *

The night before he left for California, Jesse gave the performance of his life. He'd never laid out his heart in a song as strongly as he did that time. His audience being the most sacred to it.

He looked at the gravestone, and took in Rachel's picture atop her name; which was of course accompanied by a huge star next to it. Jesse began shedding tears down his face as he started to sing.

_Would you know my name  
__If I saw you in heaven?  
__Would it be the same  
__If I saw you in heaven?_

_I must be strong  
__And carry on  
_'_Cause I know I don't belong  
__Here in heaven_

_Would you hold my hand  
__If I saw you in heaven?  
__Would you help me stand  
__If I saw you in heaven?_

_I'll find my way  
__Through night and day  
_'_cause I know I just can't stay  
__Here in heaven_

_Time can bring you down  
__Time can bend your knees  
__Time can break your heart  
__Have you begging please  
__Begging please_

_Beyond the door  
__There's peace I'm sure  
__And I know there'll be no more  
__Tears in heaven_

He wiped away his tear, placing the flowers next to the letter Shelby had left for her daughter. Standing up, he kissed the top of her gravestone.

He looked up to the sky, and took a glimpse at the stars. He spotted the biggest one and whispered "Goodbye," at the star that is Rachel Berry.

* * *

Song used:

_Tears in Heaven-_ Eric Clapton

I hope you all enjoyed this. Please be so kind as to review...


End file.
